From the 20th – 26th April 2015 it is depression awareness week. A week to recognise the devastating effects of depression, a week to celebrate those who have managed to make it back to the light and another week to help stamp out the stigma surrounding mental health.
1 in 4 Brits will suffer from some sort of mental health problem in the next year, with anxiety and depression being the most common conditions. Depression affects an estimated 350 million people around the world, fewer than half of those affected receive treatment. In some countries, the figure is fewer than 10% due to barriers of health resources, a lack of healthcare workers and social stigma.
Here at Global Health Promotions we believe that it is time we stop shunning those who are struggling to manage life’s challenges, it is time to stop beating each other down and validating our own problems worse than those of others. At the end of the day we don’t know what each other is going through and we have no right to judge others based on their own struggles. What we can do though, is support each other. We can’t fix anyone else’s problems but we may be able to help. Here is how you might just be able to make someone’s day. Someone who can’t see the way out, who thinks no-one cares. If there is a better gift to give, we don’t know what it is –
1. Be there.
You don’t need to speak, you don’t need to get the inspirational quotes bookmarked. Just hold their hand. Be their shoulder to cry on.
2. Try a small gesture.
If you’re uncomfortable with emotional expression, you can show support in other ways, tell them they are important to you, cook them their favourite meal, leave them a loving voicemail. You would be surprised how the smallest gesture can have the biggest impact.
3. Don’t judge.
What you say can have a powerful impact on your loved one. Avoid statements such as: “You just need to be positive, you’ll feel better tomorrow”, “Life isn’t fair, you just have to get on with it.” and “I know how you feel, I was depressed once”. Most importantly, under no circumstances should you ever suggest that this person is acting selfishly. All of these statements suggest that your loved one has a choice in how they feel, and that they have chosen – by free will – to be depressed. Not only are they insensitive and downplaying how that person may feel but they may leave your loved one feeling even more isolated than before. Things you can try instead are: “Take it one day at a time, and I’ll be here with you through them all.”, “I am sorry this has happened to you, you don’t have to deal with this alone. I am here for you.” and “I can only imagine what you must be going through, but I will try to understand the best I can.” The best thing you can tell the person is that you are there, if you are going to be there. The worst thing you can do is make empty promises.
4. Avoid the tough-love approach.
Many individuals think that being tough on their loved one will undo their depression or inspire positive behavioral changes. For instance, some people might intentionally be impatient with their loved one, push their boundaries, use silence, be callous or even give an ultimatum but consider that this is as useless, hurtful and harmful as ignoring, pushing away or not helping someone who has cancer.
5. Don’t minimize their pain.
Brushing away someone’s feelings as them needing to ‘man up’ shame a person with depression. It invalidates what they’re experiencing and completely glosses over the fact that they’re struggling with a difficult disorder – depression is a disease, NOT a weakness.
6. Avoid offering advice.
It probably seems natural to share advice with your loved one. Whenever someone we care about is having a tough time, we yearn to fix their heartache. But often it can lead to aggravating and discounting that person even more, what you can do is ask: “What can we do to help you feel better?” This gives your love one the opportunity to ask for help. When a person asks for help they are more inclined to be guided and take direction without feeling insulted.
7. Learn as much as you can about depression.
You can avoid the above missteps and misunderstandings simply by educating yourself about depression. Once you can understand depression’s symptoms, course and consequences, you can better support your loved one
For instance, some people assume that if a person with depression has a good day, they’re cured. Depression is not a static illness. There is an ebb and flow to symptoms that many non-depressed people misunderstand. An adult who’s feeling hopeless may still laugh at a joke, and a child who’s in despair may still attend class, get good grades and even seem cheerful. The truth is that depressive symptoms are lingering elsewhere, hidden or not easy to see, so it’s important to know that depression has a far and often imperceptible range.
9. Be patient.
Patience is a pivotal part of supporting your loved one. When you’re patient with your loved one, you’re letting them know that it doesn’t matter how long this is going to take, or how involved the treatments are going to be, or the difficulties that accompany the passage from symptom onset to recovery, because you will be there.
10. Seek help.
One of the most important things you can do is to encourage your loved one to seek help. There are many therapies, advices and exercises a person can go to to begin their healing. Depression doesn’t just go away, or get better on its own. Treatment doesn’t need to be scary medication or judgemental counsellors. It is okay to get help. Just like it is okay to receive a cast for a broken leg or chemotherapy for cancer.
1 in 4 Brits suffer from a mental health condition. Look around the room you stand in now. How many people are there? 5? 20? 100? Calculate how many people may be suffering from a mental health condition.
Now ask yourself – how can you help?
Stay healthy, stay happy!